It has become abundantly clear, that no matter how far you go in life, how much wisdom you aquire, you will always be asked for more. I have recently rediscovered this fact through my attempt to bring depth to a relationship I’ve been developing for the last couple of years. People are…quirky, weird, idiosyncratic, and find all your buttons sooner or later, and push them mercilessly. And, it’s up to you to decide how much more you’re willing to become to have that relationship in your life.
Fellow divine beings, incarnated–transformation is painful at best. I suppose that’s why so many souls refrain from doing it. I have spent the last three plus decades on this amazing journey of growth. And, over this weekend, I was once again smacked-up and handed my ass by this evolution of life. I have found myself in a situation where I have to dig deep. And, for a person who regularly strolls the deepest part of herself, I’m appalled to find out that–wait, there’s still more. There is more patience that I can conjure, more understanding that I can create, and yes…more space that I can allow for another person to occupy, until they can figure out a solution to whatever issue that has arisen.
I won’t lie–it bites! Sometimes having the ground ripped from under you is fun, it’s surprising–this was not the case. If dumbfounded were a place, then I spent three days living there. Is there an alternative?? Sure. Denial is a place a lot of people have been residents of for many years. I haven’t seen it in… well, actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever been there for a significant period of time. Usually, I’m pretty flexible in my approach to things. I have a good sense of direction and the landscape, even if I’ve never been there. Not this time–this time, I am Alice falling down the rabbit hole wondering where the bottom is. And, the alternative is–walk away from this little gift from the universe that is clearing calling me to be something more. But, I fear its too late. I have a glimpse of the better version of myself that’s on the other side of this experience. I saw her in my mind’s eye, I heard her laughter. And, I’m pretty sure, her radiance is just slightly more bright than mine. So…I gotta do it.
For all you who think us spiritual types don’t have our times of frustration–you’re wrong. We may even be more so, because, it seems like everytime you feel like you’ve learned how you tick, someone turns the kaliedoscope, and there’s a newer version of yourself demanding you get to know it. Most times, its fun, other times, you’re asking yourself what the hell you were thinking in the first place with this whole incarnation thing?! My poor spirit guide crew is sooo tired of me asking the same questions, because I’m trying to make sense of an illogical experience. Imagine if you will, a group of people throwing up their energetic hands and yelling, “Didn’t we just answer that question five minute ago??? Well, the answer hasn’t changed! ” But, hey, it’s like driving with a roadmap and still feeling anxious that you’re going to miss that critical turn, so, you check, double-check and triple-check to make sure you know where you’re going. Which you always do, even if it hasn’t reached your consciousness yet. And, that my dears is where faith in yourself comes into play.
So, today…well, let’s just say, I’ve located my sense of humor. I have to admit though it was buried deep in an ego feeling rather sorry for itself. “You mean there’s more??? And, I’m not even close to being everything I planned to be?! AAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!” Yes, a couple of glasses of something spirited were consumed. Yes, spiritual people like wine and spirits, oh, and some enjoy low brow humor and expletives–but, that’s another story for another time.
In the meantime, continue to boldly go where your consciousness has never gone before. Dive deep into being uncomfortable with your new discoveries, until they become apart of who your are. The universe within is quite possibly more nerve-wracking, more amazing, and colorful than we can even imagine. Which is exactly why I have to keep digging!
Love Peace Happiness N One,
A special shout-out to my friend of The Viable Alternative. And, my BFF who reminded me : I’m going to Mexico for my upcoming birthday. All is well in all of creation.