I picked up my first new age book at 10 years old… It was, “You Can Heal Your Life”, by Louise Hay. My mom and I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey Show back in the 80′s… My mom found her intriguing, so she bought the book, but, I was the one who actually read it from cover to cover. My first New Age movie was “Out on a Limb”, it was based on Shirley McClaine’s early shift into awakening and consciousness… I’m pretty sure I was either a pre-teen, or in my early teens when it was released. But, the point I’m making is this… My entire life has been about getting to where I am now. And, where am I?? I’m in the midst of my Masterhood… That’s where I am.

In my life-long quest of self expression, I’ve learned this for sure… I don’t like cliques, I don’t require approval of anything other than my own heart. I know that I can walk alone, as long as I’m happy–and, I’m happiest when I’m true to myself. I have never felt comfortable with the concept of group think–thus, I’ve happily sat on the fringes of a lot of organizations, groups, communities, etc… Why? I think I’ve always known this: very rarely does a group allow it’s members to become self-empowered enough to lead themselves. The moment someone does that–the entire group turns and swarms them like angry bees. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve either been one of the angry bees attacking, or you’ve been the rebel who questioned the hive, and was attacked.

We’ve been misinformed in that we’ve been taught that we have to put up with eachother’s mess, or fix it, or clean it up. And, then we wonder why we fight with one another. It’s simple… Not everyone wants their mess cleaned up! Not every one wants to admit they are a mess. And, some people stupidly think that someone wants to deal with their mess, when they, themselves cannot stand it. Okay, I’m not a huge advocate for logic, by any means. But, that shit makes no sense. If you can’t stand yourself, why should anyone else?!

At some point in your journey, you have to choose who gets to be in your life’s story, and who needs to leave. When you love you–you want to do what’s best…all the time. When you have you–you are never lonely, thus, you don’t “need” others, you only “want” them. When you have you–you don’t have to settle for the scraps in life, whehter they be people, food, jobs, etc… You just don’t do it, and have no problem saying so.

I am at the point in my life, where I am releasing relationships with people stuck in persona, and unaware of realness. To be quite blunt–I find them unattractive. It’s like asking me to fall in love with the idea of someone, or the idea they’d like me to have of them, rather than the person themselves. Who can truly fall in love with anything, or anyone that isn’t real? No one. –Not truly. Sooner, or later, we all must be ourselves, whether we want to or not. And, that is when the truth of who we are, and what we are is revealed. And, yes… we will all see you. So, again, why bother with the pretense, the games, the masks, the show, the persona(s)? They are just your own creations that you got lost in, and for a time, perhaps some will willing get lost with you. But, then again, there are those of us, that wouldn’t bother to get lost because we refuse to engage in the first place.

If you’ve answered the call of lightworker, you’ve seen up close, souls that are so severely lost, so confused, so fill with self-hatred, that your heart aches when dealing with them. But, what do you do? Why are you there? Why are you being shown this? For a few reasons:

So, finally I realized…”I’m just not going to sleep tonight… I’m just going to lay here, like I’m sedated, and allow this energetic surgery to take place. Yes, I’m utterly miserable, but, I understand, this is part of transformation.” Mind you, I’m aware that I’m being observed by my normal crew of lightbeings and angels that surround my bed every night. And, yes, they did what they could to help, but, there’s only so much the light can do, when an I AM is in a state of transformation. In that way, we are alone as the choice to continue is an individual one.