Dear hearts, dear souls… most magnificent creators of all that will be… It would seem that you are in the midst of chaos, much like a washing machine… life for you seems to be on spin cycle. But, let us look at the function of the spin cycle, shall we? It’s purpose is to wring out all the impurities of the process of washing. It’s function is to remove the excess water, debris, dirt, and the like, so that all remains is what is necessary…. Clean clothing awaiting it’s next step to be worn by you. We say this to […]
So, if you hear me screaming fuck a lot… possibly accompanied by some Metallica, System of a Down, or Korn. I’m in the midst of moving energy and transformation. Frustration is good for you, it means you’re done with the spot you’re in, and it’s time to move on. If you hear me screaming, hell yeah! Dancing in the rain (with clothess or without), listening to Led Zepplin, DMB, Erykah, or Jay-Z –Yeah, I’m having a great time. I may have a drink to celebrate life, or, I may have cake–doesn’t matter. What I do, how I express myself– is my story, my creation, my I AM. Yours will be how you choose.
It was interesting watching people attempt to lose themselves, their money, their problems and their inhibitions to the point of hurting themselves all because of a wee little city in the desert. Why allow yourself to sweep that many problems under the table? Why let yourself repress feelings, desires, fears, etc? Why do that just so you can sort of lose your marbles, up-chuck your dignity, and, sometimes your lunch, when there’s always been an alternative? Just be you. Just be authentically, unapologetically you, so that you can enjoy that in excess.
Wise people share knowledge, they live it, they own their choices. Martyrdom is straight up ego-tripping! I do not need to suffer for you–you’ve got that covered–you chose it. In a moment where you were at a cross roads of doing what would move you along on your road, you chose to either to not move out of fear, or move backward out of fear. What would people say, do, think of you? Are you worthy of such good things, happiness, freedom? But, what about all those people who don’t have what you have? What about all those suffering souls who are going without? No disrespect, but, how the hell will your suffering along with the already suffering help?! People believe what they see–so, if you’re shinning your brightest light, if you’re living your core being on a daily basis–who’s going to miss that radiance?
I picked up my first new age book at 10 years old… It was, “You Can Heal Your Life”, by Louise Hay. My mom and I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey Show back in the 80′s… My mom found her intriguing, so she bought the book, but, I was the one who actually read it from cover to cover. My first New Age movie was “Out on a Limb”, it was based on Shirley McClaine’s early shift into awakening and consciousness… I’m pretty sure I was either a pre-teen, or in my early teens when it was released. But, the point I’m making is this… My entire life has been about getting to where I am now. And, where am I?? I’m in the midst of my Masterhood… That’s where I am.
In my life-long quest of self expression, I’ve learned this for sure… I don’t like cliques, I don’t require approval of anything other than my own heart. I know that I can walk alone, as long as I’m happy–and, I’m happiest when I’m true to myself. I have never felt comfortable with the concept of group think–thus, I’ve happily sat on the fringes of a lot of organizations, groups, communities, etc… Why? I think I’ve always known this: very rarely does a group allow it’s members to become self-empowered enough to lead themselves. The moment someone does that–the entire group turns and swarms them like angry bees. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve either been one of the angry bees attacking, or you’ve been the rebel who questioned the hive, and was attacked.
I had a very odd weekend… It was a weekend of shifting. It was so weird, that I cannot define it. All I know is that a layer of something came off, at the same time, the ground beneath me seemed to move when I wasn’t looking. My mind was in such shock, and in such a tizzy of anxiety that it–my mind, found my last nerve, and got a severe talking to. After that–I just ignored her, she gets out of hand, and it’s exhausting to try an reason with her and all the stupid questions of “what?”, “why?”, “who?” Honestly… who fucking cares, mind?! Truly, when has logic ever worked in these scenarios?! When have you ever figured it out, while it’s happening?? Right, NEVER! So, do shut up! Needless to say, I avoid people during these times… Everyone will have a bout of crazy, there’s no need to take anyone with you. Hahaha!
Another thing that has developed during this time, is mylove affair with being alone. Once upon a time, when spiritual pursuits exclusively involved mystery schools, monasteries, etc… Initiates would be thrust-ed into solitude… Whether it be spending time on a mountain alone, going on some sort of pilgrimage or vision quest. Now, spending time alone becomes this addictive luxury. Being alone with your thoughts, your changing DNA, your changing thought forms, just concentrating on breath and allowing… It becomes the new sexy. The lack of sound becomes a lullaby. What used to be anxiety-inducing thoughts of “Oh God, what if I’m alone?!” Becomes, “Oh, thank God, I’m alone! Yay!” In these times, is when you become grateful for the solitude to be, and become more of yourself. In these times, you become comfortable with the idea that all you need is you, and that’s all you’ve ever needed, or will need.
As the holiday season begins, I share my divine discontent for manufactured holiday cheer, in lieu of true peace and kindness toward one another.
I am at the point in my life, where I am releasing relationships with people stuck in persona, and unaware of realness. To be quite blunt–I find them unattractive. It’s like asking me to fall in love with the idea of someone, or the idea they’d like me to have of them, rather than the person themselves. Who can truly fall in love with anything, or anyone that isn’t real? No one. –Not truly. Sooner, or later, we all must be ourselves, whether we want to or not. And, that is when the truth of who we are, and what we are is revealed. And, yes… we will all see you. So, again, why bother with the pretense, the games, the masks, the show, the persona(s)? They are just your own creations that you got lost in, and for a time, perhaps some will willing get lost with you. But, then again, there are those of us, that wouldn’t bother to get lost because we refuse to engage in the first place.