I picked up my first new age book at 10 years old… It was, “You Can Heal Your Life”, by Louise Hay. My mom and I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey Show back in the 80′s… My mom found her intriguing, so she bought the book, but, I was the one who actually read it from cover to cover. My first New Age movie was “Out on a Limb”, it was based on Shirley McClaine’s early shift into awakening and consciousness… I’m pretty sure I was either a pre-teen, or in my early teens when it was released. But, the point I’m making is this… My entire life has been about getting to where I am now. And, where am I?? I’m in the midst of my Masterhood… That’s where I am.
In my life-long quest of self expression, I’ve learned this for sure… I don’t like cliques, I don’t require approval of anything other than my own heart. I know that I can walk alone, as long as I’m happy–and, I’m happiest when I’m true to myself. I have never felt comfortable with the concept of group think–thus, I’ve happily sat on the fringes of a lot of organizations, groups, communities, etc… Why? I think I’ve always known this: very rarely does a group allow it’s members to become self-empowered enough to lead themselves. The moment someone does that–the entire group turns and swarms them like angry bees. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve either been one of the angry bees attacking, or you’ve been the rebel who questioned the hive, and was attacked.
I had a very odd weekend… It was a weekend of shifting. It was so weird, that I cannot define it. All I know is that a layer of something came off, at the same time, the ground beneath me seemed to move when I wasn’t looking. My mind was in such shock, and in such a tizzy of anxiety that it–my mind, found my last nerve, and got a severe talking to. After that–I just ignored her, she gets out of hand, and it’s exhausting to try an reason with her and all the stupid questions of “what?”, “why?”, “who?” Honestly… who fucking cares, mind?! Truly, when has logic ever worked in these scenarios?! When have you ever figured it out, while it’s happening?? Right, NEVER! So, do shut up! Needless to say, I avoid people during these times… Everyone will have a bout of crazy, there’s no need to take anyone with you. Hahaha!
Another thing that has developed during this time, is mylove affair with being alone. Once upon a time, when spiritual pursuits exclusively involved mystery schools, monasteries, etc… Initiates would be thrust-ed into solitude… Whether it be spending time on a mountain alone, going on some sort of pilgrimage or vision quest. Now, spending time alone becomes this addictive luxury. Being alone with your thoughts, your changing DNA, your changing thought forms, just concentrating on breath and allowing… It becomes the new sexy. The lack of sound becomes a lullaby. What used to be anxiety-inducing thoughts of “Oh God, what if I’m alone?!” Becomes, “Oh, thank God, I’m alone! Yay!” In these times, is when you become grateful for the solitude to be, and become more of yourself. In these times, you become comfortable with the idea that all you need is you, and that’s all you’ve ever needed, or will need.
As the holiday season begins, I share my divine discontent for manufactured holiday cheer, in lieu of true peace and kindness toward one another.
I am at the point in my life, where I am releasing relationships with people stuck in persona, and unaware of realness. To be quite blunt–I find them unattractive. It’s like asking me to fall in love with the idea of someone, or the idea they’d like me to have of them, rather than the person themselves. Who can truly fall in love with anything, or anyone that isn’t real? No one. –Not truly. Sooner, or later, we all must be ourselves, whether we want to or not. And, that is when the truth of who we are, and what we are is revealed. And, yes… we will all see you. So, again, why bother with the pretense, the games, the masks, the show, the persona(s)? They are just your own creations that you got lost in, and for a time, perhaps some will willing get lost with you. But, then again, there are those of us, that wouldn’t bother to get lost because we refuse to engage in the first place.
If you’ve answered the call of lightworker, you’ve seen up close, souls that are so severely lost, so confused, so fill with self-hatred, that your heart aches when dealing with them. But, what do you do? Why are you there? Why are you being shown this? For a few reasons:
Are we ever off duty? No. No. And, yeah, um… NO. There have been days where I’ve been at home thinking in my safe haven, my sacred space, my little temple that I would rest, and be safe from answering someone’s call. Nope. This doesn’t happen. On those days, I get phone calls, emails, telepathic messages, people knocking on doors… etc. Why? Because so many are waking up right now, that lightworkers are and must be seen. If you as a lightworkers are thinking there must be some sort of sign over your head, over your house that says, “Help is over here!!!” You are right! You are being seen, all the time, everywhere throughout the universe. So… get used to it! The light doesn’t go out, it only gets brighter as you become better. Do I ever get exhausted??? Hell yeah! But, I rest. I realize not all things will be done on the day a “call” for assistance comes in. I always take care of me, first. Do you understand? This is NOT about sacrifice. This is NOT about being a messiah, or a guru. This is NOT about ego-stroking. This IS about being of service.
The most challenging thing we will do in life is discover who we really are, followed by an even bigger challenge of BE-ing who we are–without permission, validation, or apology. –Without rules, regulations, or the illusions of right and wrong. This is the source, the creator expressing itself… as you, as me, as everything.
It may surprise you that I do spend a lot of time NOT talking. Yes…I’ll pause for what I’m sure will be your shock and possbile laughter. But, it is true. For example, I only blog when I have something to say. I make heavy decisions after many hours, sometimes days, or weeks of rumination, of waiting for the alignment. I got to this place by realizing that things cannot and should not always be rushed. Alignment is critical if you want the smoothest potentials to be those you manifest. You are a creator, but, you are a creator working with other creators, and the ultimate creator–get it? You are collaborating, all the time. And, when you spend time watching, waiting, and preparing, when the “stars align” so to speak, you’re ready to add your own signature magic, to manifest whatever it is you mean to create–whether it be an idea, a product, or an experience.