In my life-long quest of self expression, I’ve learned this for sure… I don’t like cliques, I don’t require approval of anything other than my own heart. I know that I can walk alone, as long as I’m happy–and, I’m happiest when I’m true to myself. I have never felt comfortable with the concept of group think–thus, I’ve happily sat on the fringes of a lot of organizations, groups, communities, etc… Why? I think I’ve always known this: very rarely does a group allow it’s members to become self-empowered enough to lead themselves. The moment someone does that–the entire group turns and swarms them like angry bees. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve either been one of the angry bees attacking, or you’ve been the rebel who questioned the hive, and was attacked.
Another thing that has developed during this time, is mylove affair with being alone. Once upon a time, when spiritual pursuits exclusively involved mystery schools, monasteries, etc… Initiates would be thrust-ed into solitude… Whether it be spending time on a mountain alone, going on some sort of pilgrimage or vision quest. Now, spending time alone becomes this addictive luxury. Being alone with your thoughts, your changing DNA, your changing thought forms, just concentrating on breath and allowing… It becomes the new sexy. The lack of sound becomes a lullaby. What used to be anxiety-inducing thoughts of “Oh God, what if I’m alone?!” Becomes, “Oh, thank God, I’m alone! Yay!” In these times, is when you become grateful for the solitude to be, and become more of yourself. In these times, you become comfortable with the idea that all you need is you, and that’s all you’ve ever needed, or will need.
At some point in your journey, you have to choose who gets to be in your life’s story, and who needs to leave. When you love you–you want to do what’s best…all the time. When you have you–you are never lonely, thus, you don’t “need” others, you only “want” them. When you have you–you don’t have to settle for the scraps in life, whehter they be people, food, jobs, etc… You just don’t do it, and have no problem saying so.
I am at the point in my life, where I am releasing relationships with people stuck in persona, and unaware of realness. To be quite blunt–I find them unattractive. It’s like asking me to fall in love with the idea of someone, or the idea they’d like me to have of them, rather than the person themselves. Who can truly fall in love with anything, or anyone that isn’t real? No one. –Not truly. Sooner, or later, we all must be ourselves, whether we want to or not. And, that is when the truth of who we are, and what we are is revealed. And, yes… we will all see you. So, again, why bother with the pretense, the games, the masks, the show, the persona(s)? They are just your own creations that you got lost in, and for a time, perhaps some will willing get lost with you. But, then again, there are those of us, that wouldn’t bother to get lost because we refuse to engage in the first place.
If you’ve answered the call of lightworker, you’ve seen up close, souls that are so severely lost, so confused, so fill with self-hatred, that your heart aches when dealing with them. But, what do you do? Why are you there? Why are you being shown this? For a few reasons:
Help means: You do your part, you make room, and allow the other person to CHOOSE to help themselves. And, guess what– you’re not going to like it– but, that’s not my purpose…THEY DON’T HAVE TO TAKE THE HELP! Tada! Hey, I told you–you wouldn’t like it. But, it’s the truth, and if applied appropriately, you don’t have to be hurt.
The truth is… a relationship with you and another person can only be as good as the relationship each individual has with themselves. So, if you are in denial about issues going on unaddressed within yourself, it will, can and must show itself in your relationship with others. What kind of relationship am I referring to?? Pick one, honey… They all apply!
Clueless-ness underestimates clarity quite often. And, clarity does not tremble when clueless-ness speaks, nor does it feel challenged. It just simply waits and allows the clueless-ness to destroy itself. I AM is all there is…and, without knowing itself, it can be the greatest source of harm to itself. Not knowing who you are, is the source of all your fears, destructive attitudes, negative acts and feelings. Not knowing who you are can cause you to create situations where you will hurt yourself and others… It’s not the world that’s a danger to you–it is you who are a danger to yourself.
What I can no longer deal with in in any form is: adults who are unaware of themselves and projecting issues onto other people. Sorry (enter sarcasm here)…I am NOT responsible for your feelings… you are. I am not responsible for any of the damages you’ve incurred on your way to here. And, I will not pretend to be. Just like I will not expect you to treat me with kid gloves because of anything that’s happened in my past.
In the silence, all of your various you(s), aspect, or fragments, etc… come to ask for healing, and eventually integration. If you’re currently scattered, you can bet in your silence moments, there will that part of you that says, “I’m tired of being sad, afraid, perfect, angry, lonely…” They will come to you and ask that you heal them. And, in order to heal, you will have to recall all the emotions that come with healing.