But, this isn’t just my story is it? It’s the story of the human being. The moment we assert ourselves, the moment we emphatically, and strongly use our voices– our individuality, there will be someone, or, many there to accuse us of something. Whether it be, you’re “judmental”, “selfish”, “mean”, “rude”, etc… There will be those who wish you would shut the fuck up, because you’re bothering them. You are giving voice to the insecurities, inadequacies, self-loathing and fear that they have been hiding from both others and themselves. Now, you must pay! You must be stoned, burned, shunned, yelled at, berated, criticized… Any of this sounding familar?
I picked up my first new age book at 10 years old… It was, “You Can Heal Your Life”, by Louise Hay. My mom and I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey Show back in the 80′s… My mom found her intriguing, so she bought the book, but, I was the one who actually read it from cover to cover. My first New Age movie was “Out on a Limb”, it was based on Shirley McClaine’s early shift into awakening and consciousness… I’m pretty sure I was either a pre-teen, or in my early teens when it was released. But, the point I’m making is this… My entire life has been about getting to where I am now. And, where am I?? I’m in the midst of my Masterhood… That’s where I am.
We’ve been misinformed in that we’ve been taught that we have to put up with eachother’s mess, or fix it, or clean it up. And, then we wonder why we fight with one another. It’s simple… Not everyone wants their mess cleaned up! Not every one wants to admit they are a mess. And, some people stupidly think that someone wants to deal with their mess, when they, themselves cannot stand it. Okay, I’m not a huge advocate for logic, by any means. But, that shit makes no sense. If you can’t stand yourself, why should anyone else?!
I am at the point in my life, where I am releasing relationships with people stuck in persona, and unaware of realness. To be quite blunt–I find them unattractive. It’s like asking me to fall in love with the idea of someone, or the idea they’d like me to have of them, rather than the person themselves. Who can truly fall in love with anything, or anyone that isn’t real? No one. –Not truly. Sooner, or later, we all must be ourselves, whether we want to or not. And, that is when the truth of who we are, and what we are is revealed. And, yes… we will all see you. So, again, why bother with the pretense, the games, the masks, the show, the persona(s)? They are just your own creations that you got lost in, and for a time, perhaps some will willing get lost with you. But, then again, there are those of us, that wouldn’t bother to get lost because we refuse to engage in the first place.
There’s this idea that being spiritual is all about clouds, rainbows, pretty words, and superficial happiness all the time… BULLSHIT! There’s this idea, that spiritual people are superior to those who consider themselves “normal” and not spiritual… BULLSHIT! Awareness, is NOT superiority. It’s a different experience of consciousness… I cannot, cannot, CANNOT stand the idea that someone assumes I’m supposed to be flowers and rainbows all the time. Hello, I’ve recently in the past few years made peace with the color PINK. It was too girly for me… Now of course, I love pink, because I expanded my view of myself. Nor, am I obsessed with the blackness of the void, curse words or my sword of truth. Hey, if I’m talking to you still… it means I’m still engaged. If I’m silent… well… I’m no longer engaged.
I’d also like to mention, there’s no happiness in the world of “entitlement”. I mean, while you’re demanding things from people, you must realize, you are demanding, because you aren’t likeable enough to be given anything.
What I can no longer deal with in in any form is: adults who are unaware of themselves and projecting issues onto other people. Sorry (enter sarcasm here)…I am NOT responsible for your feelings… you are. I am not responsible for any of the damages you’ve incurred on your way to here. And, I will not pretend to be. Just like I will not expect you to treat me with kid gloves because of anything that’s happened in my past.
Name: monica Birth Year: 1974 Birth State: North Carolina Current State: New York Eye Color: Dk. Brown Hair Color: Dk. Brown Height: 5’3 Heirtage: mutt really should be a hertiage Weakness: nope Strength: pick something Number of Tattoos: 2 Short Term Goal: open a lingerie store Long Term Goal: produce film and theatre and own a chain of lingerie stores Place you want to visit: everywhere Best place you ever visited: lake tahoe and punta cana CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! Well…it had to go somewhere!