But, this isn’t just my story is it? It’s the story of the human being. The moment we assert ourselves, the moment we emphatically, and strongly use our voices– our individuality, there will be someone, or, many there to accuse us of something. Whether it be, you’re “judmental”, “selfish”, “mean”, “rude”, etc… There will be those who wish you would shut the fuck up, because you’re bothering them. You are giving voice to the insecurities, inadequacies, self-loathing and fear that they have been hiding from both others and themselves. Now, you must pay! You must be stoned, burned, shunned, yelled at, berated, criticized… Any of this sounding familar?
So…if you insist…keep looking out your own eyes into nature, into animals, children, and people, with the delusion that you are better. It’s your choice. But, I promise you– this will NOT make the world a better place for you. It WILL NOT quell feelings of insecurity, fear, or fill any voids you may have within yourself. What it WILL DO is give you a lot of anxiety, paranoia and absolutely NO peace. You will most certainly miss the entire point of embodiment. Which is what?? For the divine to express itself in as many ways as possible, for the sheer joy of it. Again… the choice is yours.
It was interesting watching people attempt to lose themselves, their money, their problems and their inhibitions to the point of hurting themselves all because of a wee little city in the desert. Why allow yourself to sweep that many problems under the table? Why let yourself repress feelings, desires, fears, etc? Why do that just so you can sort of lose your marbles, up-chuck your dignity, and, sometimes your lunch, when there’s always been an alternative? Just be you. Just be authentically, unapologetically you, so that you can enjoy that in excess.
Wise people share knowledge, they live it, they own their choices. Martyrdom is straight up ego-tripping! I do not need to suffer for you–you’ve got that covered–you chose it. In a moment where you were at a cross roads of doing what would move you along on your road, you chose to either to not move out of fear, or move backward out of fear. What would people say, do, think of you? Are you worthy of such good things, happiness, freedom? But, what about all those people who don’t have what you have? What about all those suffering souls who are going without? No disrespect, but, how the hell will your suffering along with the already suffering help?! People believe what they see–so, if you’re shinning your brightest light, if you’re living your core being on a daily basis–who’s going to miss that radiance?
I picked up my first new age book at 10 years old… It was, “You Can Heal Your Life”, by Louise Hay. My mom and I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey Show back in the 80′s… My mom found her intriguing, so she bought the book, but, I was the one who actually read it from cover to cover. My first New Age movie was “Out on a Limb”, it was based on Shirley McClaine’s early shift into awakening and consciousness… I’m pretty sure I was either a pre-teen, or in my early teens when it was released. But, the point I’m making is this… My entire life has been about getting to where I am now. And, where am I?? I’m in the midst of my Masterhood… That’s where I am.
In my life-long quest of self expression, I’ve learned this for sure… I don’t like cliques, I don’t require approval of anything other than my own heart. I know that I can walk alone, as long as I’m happy–and, I’m happiest when I’m true to myself. I have never felt comfortable with the concept of group think–thus, I’ve happily sat on the fringes of a lot of organizations, groups, communities, etc… Why? I think I’ve always known this: very rarely does a group allow it’s members to become self-empowered enough to lead themselves. The moment someone does that–the entire group turns and swarms them like angry bees. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve either been one of the angry bees attacking, or you’ve been the rebel who questioned the hive, and was attacked.
Another thing that has developed during this time, is mylove affair with being alone. Once upon a time, when spiritual pursuits exclusively involved mystery schools, monasteries, etc… Initiates would be thrust-ed into solitude… Whether it be spending time on a mountain alone, going on some sort of pilgrimage or vision quest. Now, spending time alone becomes this addictive luxury. Being alone with your thoughts, your changing DNA, your changing thought forms, just concentrating on breath and allowing… It becomes the new sexy. The lack of sound becomes a lullaby. What used to be anxiety-inducing thoughts of “Oh God, what if I’m alone?!” Becomes, “Oh, thank God, I’m alone! Yay!” In these times, is when you become grateful for the solitude to be, and become more of yourself. In these times, you become comfortable with the idea that all you need is you, and that’s all you’ve ever needed, or will need.
We’ve been misinformed in that we’ve been taught that we have to put up with eachother’s mess, or fix it, or clean it up. And, then we wonder why we fight with one another. It’s simple… Not everyone wants their mess cleaned up! Not every one wants to admit they are a mess. And, some people stupidly think that someone wants to deal with their mess, when they, themselves cannot stand it. Okay, I’m not a huge advocate for logic, by any means. But, that shit makes no sense. If you can’t stand yourself, why should anyone else?!
At some point in your journey, you have to choose who gets to be in your life’s story, and who needs to leave. When you love you–you want to do what’s best…all the time. When you have you–you are never lonely, thus, you don’t “need” others, you only “want” them. When you have you–you don’t have to settle for the scraps in life, whehter they be people, food, jobs, etc… You just don’t do it, and have no problem saying so.